Star Trek: Take Refuge in What You Know 19/34

[corpus_invictus]

Title: Take Refuge in What You Know, Chapter 19
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Spock/Kirk, hints of others
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Written for the Star Trek XI Kink Meme prompt found here: "AU - Kirk has moved into a apartment/house and wants to get to know his neighbors. He meets his neighbor Spock, a loner who suffers from extreme agoraphobia. Kirk thinks he's beautiful enigma."


The hallway was empty when Jim made it up to his floor, which surprised him a bit. He'd expected to either see Spock stuffing letters under his door or Gaila trying to look inconspicuous while she spied on him. The entire floor was quiet as he dealt with the security code and stepped inside.

Sure enough, there was a pile of letters in the entryway. Most of them had numbers on them, but one envelope was pristine - as if Spock had only expected to write one letter at first and the rest had come in stages afterward. Stomach still flip-flopping with apprehension, he pulled out the letter with its jagged, uneven script.

Jim -

Shortly after arriving on Earth, I inserted a program into my medical records to alert me whenever they were accessed. As I have not seen any medical staff in thirteen months, thirty-eight weeks, and four days, I would like to know why they were accessed several times over the last week.

Jim stared at the letter, finding it strangely anticlimactic. He might have been a little irritated at McCoy digging around in his medical records - the irritation was evident in the roughness of the script - but it hardly warranted Gaila's worried transmission. He sat on the floor of his entryway, sifting through the envelopes until he found one with a number two scrawled on it.

Not only have my past medical records been accessed, but I see now that my genetic code has been accessed as well. This is a serious invasion of my privacy.

It was abrupt, clipped, especially given Spock's predilection for rambling and using polysyllabic vocabulary to express himself. Apprehension began to build in his gut again, and he hesitantly grabbed for envelope number three.

I left Vulcan to ensure I would no longer be a scientific anomaly or medical experiment. I have spent the entirety of my life being subjected to intense scrutiny and analysis. I do not wish to repeat the experience.

The handwriting on that one was less jagged and rough and more... Jim wasn't sure how to explain it. It was almost slurred, like the speech of an inebriated individual. He swallowed a lump in his throat, reaching for the fourth envelope.

I desire neither your experimentation nor your pity. It would be best if we were to resume our previous relationship.

Dread made him feel sick to his stomach as he read that last line again. What the hell did Spock mean by their previous relationship? His hand shaking, he reached for the last envelope in the pile.

I do not wish to see you.

The script was all over the place on that note, some of the letters almost incomprehensible they were so badly scrawled. The words fairly screamed of Spock's sense of betrayal and Jim felt his heart clench painfully in his chest.

Ignoring the message from that last note, he scrambled up from his spot on the floor and tore over to Spock's apartment, knocking on the door. When that failed to get a response (not that Jim had been expecting one), he decided now was the time to play dirty pool. He started tampering with Spock's security device, trying every bypass and workaround he knew to try to bust through the code. He was so engrossed in it, so determined to succeed, that he didn't hear the door crack open.

"Jim."

He jumped back guiltily from the device. "Spock! Spock, I-"

"You did not read all of the letters." It was quiet, but the accusation was clear.

"Spock, please let me in," he not-so-subtly dodged the statement. "Please. I want to explain."

Another few inches of Spock's face came into view as he opened the door further. There were dark olive bags under his eyes again, glasses missing, face drawn and pale. Jim wanted to kick himself; Spock had trouble expressing himself under the best of conditions. How much anxiety had he mired himself in writing all those notes?

"Please," Jim begged again before Spock could say anything. "I need to explain. And I can't do it in writing, not when it's this important."

"I do not wish to see you," Spock whispered, as if it took too much out of him to speak at a normal volume.

Jim's heart did not break when he heard the words out loud. He didn't feel a small piece of himself curl up and whimper. He did not swallow a lump in his throat. He summoned the courage to respond. "Please just let me talk about this. Please. If you're not satisfied with what I have to say, you can throw me out again. Hell, I'll throw myself out. Please, Spock," he hissed, knowing how desperate it sounded and not caring in the slightest.

He had never been so relieved to see a door opening. He rushed in before Spock changed his mind, already babbling before it had fully closed behind him. "I swear this isn't a science experiment thing at all. I just, we were talking about you and how you react to things and how miserable it must be to live this way, and-"

Spock shocked the hell out of him by interrupting him. "I do not want your pity." And while his voice was still whisper-quiet, Jim could hear the icy chill of temper behind the words. He sounded dangerous, almost feral.

He shivered involuntarily. "This isn't about pity."

"You accessed my medical records anonymously to assess whether I was mentally sound. You also accessed my genetic code, a gross violation of privacy under any circumstances but doubly so considering you have no medical background, no connection to my family, and no permission from myself to access that information."

"I didn't need to access your records to see if you were mentally sound, considering the answer to that is pretty damn clear as is," Jim shot back, then instantly regretted it.

The icy chill was permeating Spock's eyes now, his entire body gone rigid as if preventing himself from attacking Jim. "You-"

Jim cut him off. "Spock, no, that came out all wrong. I'm not saying you're a lunatic. What I'm saying is that this is no way to live. You can't possibly be happy with your situation and I've heard you say on several occasions that you're not yourself. I just wanted to-"

"To help," Spock interrupted again. "I have often found that to be a quaint human excuse for violating the privacy of others in the name of science."

Jim was losing track of the point Spock was making. "What?"

"I will not be your experiment, nor will I be your charity case. I am not myself - to deny it would be illogical - but I am not so foregone that I will subject myself to your clumsy human endeavor to better yourself by reaching out to a less fortunate individual. You will cease your manipulation of my emotions and you will cease interacting with me."

"No," Jim shot back defiantly, and if ever he needed to earn a victory over Spock, now was the time. "No, it doesn't work that way. I'm not here because I think I'm earning brownie points by being your friend. I'm not here because I enjoy poking and prodding you just to see how you react. And I'm sure as hell not here to fuck around with your feelings just because I know you can't control them right now. We just wanted-"

"What gives you the right to share my personal situation with another individual?" Spock interrupted him again, his whole body shaking now. Jim couldn't tell whether that was from his flared temper or the anxiety of the fight.

"Spock, he's-" Jim cut himself off when he realized Spock was missing an important part of the puzzle. "Spock... I didn't share your situation with some random stranger. I talked about it with Bones. With Leonard McCoy," he corrected himself, figuring his given name would jog Spock's memory better than the nickname.

Understanding dawned in Spock's eyes. "Joanna's father." His voice held no inflection, no signal of forgiveness.

"Yes. He wanted to repay you for helping him with his case. I'd been telling him about you - not because I'm airing your dirty laundry to everyone I meet, just because you're important to me and I wanted to talk about you - and he needed to check your files to make sure he could diagnose you as accurately as possible."

Spock was silent for a moment, his posture still tense and trembling intermittently. "Why were those records accessed anonymously? Why did you feel it was necessary to conceal your identity?"

"He didn't want you listed as an official patient of his just in case Starfleet asked about his caseload - they can do that because he's still working on his xeno certification. He knows how you feel about medics and strangers and he didn't want you feeling like a lab rat. So he accessed it all anonymously figuring you'd never even know about it."

The fight was draining out of Spock, his shoulders sagging. The eyes still held a hint of distrust, however. "And what was his diagnosis?" he asked tightly.

Jim wanted to move forward, to loop an arm around him and give him some kind of support, comfort, whatever he needed. It was killing him to keep his distance. "He thinks most Vulcans have a touch of proximity telepathy, they just don't hang around enough humans to realize it. Which doesn't mean Stonn would have had the exact same reaction you did, because the proximity thing works differently in every Vulcan, but I bet he would have reacted to all that panic with some kind of slip of control. Bones thinks the reason you had a meltdown was because of your human half; you have to fight a lot harder for the kind of control that comes easily to other Vulcans."

Spock's eyes went wide. Apparently McCoy was on the right track. "My inability to maintain an emotional balance was considered a failing in my character..." he trailed off, losing his train of thought for a moment.

"It's not," Jim said. "God, Spock, I promise you that it's not."

Spock was losing the battle to keep himself under control. Jim could see it in the tremors in his hands, the tightness of his mouth. "Did the doctor...?" He couldn't finish the question, another warning sign that things were spiraling out of control.

Jim decided to risk the wrath of the angry Vulcan, stepping closer and reaching out, setting his hand at Spock's waist. "He wants you to meditate more often. He thinks you should devote at least two or three hours to it every day, try to get your focus back. He wants you to have a support system, someone who'll push you outside your boundaries when you need it."

He was unraveling, but he still managed another icy stare at Jim. "And you are here to offer your services?"

"Oh for fuck's sake," he muttered, giving up on being slow and easy, stepping right into Spock's personal space. "You're not my project, you idiot. You think I'd fight this hard if I wasn't invested? If I didn't- If you-" Jim stopped sputtering, tried to speak again. "You idiot," he said again, unrepentantly fond this time, then leaned forward and kissed him.

Spock didn't respond to the kiss, mouth rigid and unmoving under Jim's. But his body shuddered and leaned heavily to one side, dangerously close to toppling over. "Jim," he whispered, fingers clutching at his shoulders to keep him upright.

"I'm sorry," he whispered back, both arms around his waist now, trying not to buckle under Spock's substantial weight. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about this. I should have. I was being stupid - I thought maybe Bones could figure out what was wrong with you and come up with some kind of miracle drug I could bring back to you. And you'd be cured, and you'd be happier, and..." He shook his head. "I wasn't expecting a lot of this. And I'm really badly equipped to deal with it. I keep looking for the fairy tale ending and it doesn't exist. Sometimes I'm thrilled I can be here for you and sometimes I want to scream and shove you out the front door and tell you to get over it. But mostly... mostly all I want is you. I want to talk to you, touch you, be with you. And I want you to want those things too. I'm tired of seeing you break down half the time when we're together. And I... I'm selfish, Spock. Leaving you alone would probably be a lot healthier for you - God knows how many panic attacks I've caused for you. But I don't want to." He took a deep breath, trying to stop his own babbling and get to the point. "So basically, I can give you one last chance to get rid of me. I meant what I said when I got here. If my explanation isn't good enough, just say the word and I'll force myself to leave. Or you can throw me out, if it makes you feel better. But I can't do it voluntarily. I won't. I meant it when I said I was in love with you and I've got a history of sticking to people like glue when I get emotionally invested like that. So... yeah," he finished lamely, cringing because even his attempt to get to the point had been long-winded.

"You-" Spock whispered, then finally lost the battle with himself. His knees buckled, his weight collapsing onto Jim in a rush. Jim couldn't balance the two of them in time, and they both fell hard against the carpeted floor, Jim's knees twinging in protest at the added weight of the fall. Spock was clutching to his shoulders so tightly that he could feel bruises forming, Spock's face pressed so tightly against his own that he could feel the faint burn of stubble against stubble. They wound up in an inelegant pile on the floor together, Jim curled around Spock as much as he could manage, Spock shuddering in his arms.

Since he was already in full-blown panic mode, Jim availed himself of the opportunity to unload everything Spock might have objected to. "In the interests of total disclosure," he murmured, rubbing Spock's back and petting through his hair, cringing at his hoarse breathing and the sick heaving of his body, "you should know there's another medic working with Bones. His name is M'Benga; he studied on Vulcan for a year before he came back. But he doesn't know your name and he doesn't know you're half human since that would give away your identity just as quickly as your name would. And I talked to a classmate about Vulcan courting rituals; she thinks you're some Vulcan girl I picked up just for the challenge. And Gaila convinced me to come here and tell you what a lovestruck idiot I turned into because of you. She doesn't know the full extent of this; she just knows you're shy." He took a deep breath. "And I think that's everything I've ever said about you to other people. I swear, I understand you value your privacy. I'm not gossiping about you. I just tend to talk about you with people who are important to me."

Spock didn't respond for a long time past gasping for air and digging bruises into Jim's arms. He shuddered violently, his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth open and dragging in air as if he were suffocating. Jim wondered if he was going to be thrown up on, surprised that he hadn't yet considering that was a hallmark of Spock's episodes.

"There is... nothing... left," Spock wheezed. Jim's brain balked at receiving the answer to an unasked question before he realized that somewhere along the line, he'd slipped a hand under Spock's shirt and was stroking the skin of his back directly rather than with the barrier of fabric between them.

Since Spock didn't seem to be complaining, he left it there, marveling at the waves of heat his skin gave off. "How many attacks have you had today?" he murmured, kissing his temple.

"How..." Spock swallowed, shuddered, tried again. "How many letters did I write?"

"Five."

"Then this is my sixth attack today. The vomiting became impossible... I believe after the third."

Jim's own stomach lurched when he heard that, feeling an ache deep in his chest at Spock's predicament. "I'm sorry," he said again, trying to project his sincerity through the hand pressed between Spock's shoulder blades. "I'm so sorry. I put you through so many of these..."

Spock made a vague gesture of negation with one hand before fisting it in Jim's uniform again; he realized he hadn't even spared a moment to change out of his cadet reds. "That which is worth having is worth suffering for," he whispered.

The ache in Jim's chest deepened. "Vulcan proverb?" he asked quietly.

"Certainly not." There was a hint of rebuke in his voice and Jim couldn't help smiling at it. He was coming back to himself. "The line originates from a novel by Iolanda Tristane, a human author my mother greatly respected."

Jim sighed, closing his eyes and letting his forehead drop against the crown of Spock's head. "I love you," he said quietly. "I pull a lot of stupid stunts and I have a bad habit of working on instinct rather than thinking my plans all the way through. But I do it because I love you and I don't know what to do about it."

"That particular sentiment is mutual," Spock returned. His voice was hoarse and breathy, his body entwined with Jim's in a messy, lethargic pile.

Jim sighed into Spock's hair. "You should get some rest. I can't even imagine how exhausted you must be after... well, after everything today."

He felt the nod against his shoulder, sensed the herculean effort it took for Spock to lift up his head. "Yes," he breathed in agreement. He made no move to get up, though, looking at Jim as if trying to work up the courage to ask for assistance.

Jim didn't give him the opportunity. "Come on," he murmured, untangling the two of them and getting to his feet, helping Spock to stand with him. "Bed?" he offered.

"Yes," he said again. They moved arm in arm toward the back of the apartment. Spock expended just enough energy to help Jim pull the sheets down on his bed, sitting heavily on the mattress and looking... dazed, perhaps. Maybe even a little lost.

"I'm sorry," Jim whispered again, standing in front of him and kissing the top of his head.

Spock nodded, accepting the apology, his head moving forward until it was pressed against Jim's chest. "Jim," he began to speak, then shook his head faintly.

Jim wondered how it was possible to love this man so much when he broke his heart on such a regular basis. "Yeah?" he returned, sifting his fingers through his wild hair.

He saw the muscles in his jaw clench, unclench, work as if meaning to say something. He let out a shaky sigh, hands bunching in the fabric of Jim's uniform again. He whispered something incomprehensible against his chest.

"I couldn't hear you," Jim murmured. "Say it again?"

"Stay." It was only marginally louder than the previous time he'd said it, but it was just audible enough for Jim to catch it. And maybe that was why he was so hopeless where Spock was concerned: for every time he broke his heart, he more than made up for it in his desperate attempts to get closer to him, to ask for comfort when it clearly killed him to do so. Despite Jim's impatience, Spock was doing his damnedest to reach out to him, and Jim had no choice but to reach back.

"Of course." He wrapped his arms around Spock's exhausted, trembling body. "Of course I will."

And if it was awkward trying to get his shoes off without breaking contact with him, that was okay. And if it was awkward getting into Spock's bed fully clothed in his uniform, that was okay, too. And if it was awkward figuring out where all their limbs needed to go, how they needed to arrange themselves to prevent elbowing one another in the side or knocking their knees together, that was just fine. It all worked out in the end when Jim had all that Vulcan strength and heat curled against his chest, face mere inches from Jim's own, close enough to feel the breath coming out of him.

He might very well die of heatstroke in the night between his uniform, the temperature of the room, and the feeling of Spock's body heat enveloping him. But it was well worth the risk, Jim decided, when Spock slowly drifted to sleep next to him, when his shallow breathing began puffing warm and even against Jim's face, when the hand that had been gripping his uniform relaxed and simply rested over his hip in a sweet, almost possessive gesture.

Yeah, Jim decided as he was falling asleep himself. Spock was definitely worth all of that.

To Chapter Twenty

Comments

[thisissirius]

Oh, oh jesus. My heart was in my mouth the whole way through. It was easy to think this would be a happy chapter after the last couple and then the NOTES came and my heart just hurt because Spock really believed Jim was- and Bones- ugh, I don't even know how you manage to take out my heart and trample on it and then fix it and then break it all over again.

Everything is so real and tangible and I am torn between wondering how they could ever be okay and knowing that they will be because they won't let this not be okay but - none of that made sense, but I worry and I'm proud and I'm sad and I'm happy and this is a testament to how you write them.

I can't wait for the next chapter ♥

[ensigntrouble]

*breaks out a bottle of vodka... again* This calls for celebration!

[carmanne]

Oh... Spock. Jim. SPOOOCK. JIIIM.

(I do promise I can form coherent sentences, but I feel like this is my response at the end of every chapter-- particularly this one-- and had to get it out of the way)

The whole story-- this chapter in particular-- does a good job of highlighting how horribly gut-wrenching the whole situation is, and how there really are no easy answers. I love that you aren't taking an easy way out, and it's gut-wrenchingly painful, incredibly moving, and amazingly gratifying to read something that's so emotionally honest.

There is, of course, someone who resembles a twelve year old girl that resides in the back of my brain and demands HAPPY ENDING NOW, but I mostly shut her up ridiculously fluffy fic after finishing a chapter.

[(Anonymous)]

I swear everytime I see a new chapter of this same parts of my mind melt! Seriously amaze chapter! When Jim was reading the letters I was like "no!" and then Spock was like "I don't wanna see you" I was like "NO!" and then you got them all fixed again!

Awww! The last part was so sweet! "Yeah, Jim decided as he was falling asleep himself. Spock was definitely worth all of that." One of the best lines in the whole fic, a mon avis!

More son PLEASE! XD

[(Anonymous)]

Jesus Christ! That was so intense and heartbreaking and then comforting. You do what Spock does to Jim, break hearts and then make up for it. I really felt for Spock having six attacks in one day. That's awful, at least he knows he's loved now and nows that he shouldn't doubt Jim. How awful it must've been for him to doubt the one person who'd reached out in a year or so.

I can't wait for more, as always.

-notchka88

[blue_jack]

Woah, I wasn't expecting that to be the reason Spock was writing the notes. So many misunderstandings, and I can understand why Spock would be mad, especially after the latest thing where he was an experiment for Stonn. But I'm glad Jim was able to explain himself! And I loved that he said he was selfish about loving Spock. And him saying Spock broke his heart all the time? Oof, poor Jim. But he's right that Spock does try, he tries so hard, and I really want them to be happy! *bawls*

[twig_tea]

a;lshfsljfs this fic is such an emotional roller coaster ride. You've been managing so well to have Jim as human; not perfect at this by any means, but still sincere and trying. I like that we get to see his frustration, particularly since we don't really get to see Spock's. By the end of this chapter my hands were shaking. I'm so glad Spock was willing to accept his explanation X_x And they're so adorable, sleeping together <3 <3 <3 As much as I agree with Jim that a happy ending would be nice, I totally love this realistic shit-is-still-tough-and-kind-of-even-moreso-because-we're-together thing. Plus, I am such a sucker for flangst XDDDDD STILL LOVING IT.

[ashleyj28.livejournal.com]

Awwww, he is totally worth all of that! Jim's just the best, sticking by Spock no matter what.

[lickskillet]

I was 95.9% sure that Spock was going to end it all with Jim right then and there. I certainly wasn't expecting for the letters to be about his medical records.

I may have been a horrible person and thought maybe Spock had decided he was ready for more "physical contact"

The whole thing that telling him about Bones would make it all better... that never even occurred to me. And then I was thinking, "Jesus Jim, he's still going to be pissed, really." The fact that Spock thinks of her as "Joanna's father" is so telling as well, and I personally find it adorable. Any interaction between Spock and children is amazing.

Waiting for another sign of that NC-17! I still feel jipped :P

[corpus_invictus]

I'm definitely hoping to get some more Spock and Joanna moments into this. She's still at an age where she's so easily affectionate and loving and doesn't think to judge those who are different, though certainly not above questioning those differences either. Spock could use some easy affection in his life. :)

And don't you worry - I plan to start delving into regular NC-17 territory very soon.

VmlZWXqIqHRDCMp

[(Anonymous)]

Now I know who the barniy one is, I’ll keep looking for your posts.

[majoline]

So this is just amazing writing. The whole flow of the chapters, what's happened, and reactions are really realistic.

Considering all the science that went into Spock's birth, I can only vaguely imagine what someone accessing his records would feel like to someone so private by nature and culture.

I really like that he trusted Jim, but that would be due to the telepathy, wouldn't it? I can't wait for the next chapter!

Thank you for sharing :)

[(Anonymous)]

This chapter was just incredible! Great job!

FzfvWOlZJHUWuG

[(Anonymous)]

no your mistaken.. iecdrt in the wrong hands can do the same to a person who is bad in making good decisions. i have shit loads of iecdrt and cant afford to pay but i get offered iecdrt all the time?? my partner earns more than me and has only one iecdrt card and gets rejected for further iecdrt all the time even though she has never not paid a bill. now u tell me is this system working. i think not.

[jazzy]

Ahhhhhhh I had to skip to the end the first time I read through this because I couldn't wait, haha.

I want to know what the last note said. :|

I can't wait for more! :D

[corpus_invictus]

The wording of the notes is a bit unclear. There were only five of them and Jim read them all - but he thought if he admitted to reading them all, Spock would shut him out since he'd already 'said' everything he wanted to.

[(Anonymous)]

Goddamn, I need a pint of ice cream and a blanket to curl up into because this just about broke my heart. </3

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a lurker who has been loving this story, especially how quickly you update. It's like every time I check back, out of hopeful curiousity, there's another chapter!

This is so great. Jim is much more patient than I'd ever manage, and Spock is just adorable and sad. This whole thing is so good, you've taken an idea and ran with it!

[sulamoon]

Augh, my heaaaaart... Ouch. Ok.
Brb, need more vodka. Hang in there, jim!

Poor spock... Augh.

[oatmeal_cookie]

Oh, gosh. This hurts so much. They're both trying so hard, so hard, and they're like two dissonant waves that can't quite sync up and get it together - so many misunderstandings and frustrations and despair. But thennnnn. That which is worth having is worth suffering for UGH, MY HEART.

It's been so difficult and it may never be completely easy; you write their struggle with such care without making it over-the-top or melodramatic. I'm riveted, seriously. I always make incoherent, flaily noises whenever I see you update. <3

[laitaine]

Oh, BOYS ♥ My heart keeps breaking right along with Jim's, and then you put it back together again when Spock does things like ask him to stay ♥

Having an alert set up is such a Spock thing to do, I'm not surprised he was pissed off, because Jim really should have asked him first. I kinda get the impression that after a while though, Spock stopped hearing Jim's explanations and just felt his love and his affection and his genuine desire to do good and to help. He'll think on the words later, no doubt, but it's Jim's feelings (overwhelming as they are) that he needed to be sure of.

I really love this fic ♥

[(Anonymous)]

Oh my god, this chapter broke me in half. *emotionally drained* But, Jim stayed the night! <3 I can't even comprehend how much I love this fic.

-Amy

[(Anonymous)]

OMFG I fell in love with this fic the first chapter I read, and it just keeps getting better! I'm a bit of a lurker (sorry about that) and usually I dont go for the WIP fictions because it takes a long time for people to update (well, just the ones I've read anyway), but you are just so amazing, it's awesome! Keep up the Spirk lovin'! XD
xx

[kuhekabir]

this was an excellent update...glad spock listened to jim's explanations! :)

MXoJEmjjTpzdqhS

[(Anonymous)]

I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in trnwiig this site. I'm hoping the same high-grade site post from you in the upcoming also. Actually your creative trnwiig abilities has encouraged me to get my own web site now. Actually the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a great example of it.

[talitha78]

Ohhhh, that was so good!

[(Anonymous)]

Awwww! I love this chapter.

Thank you!

NhnCgCkwssFVBAVd

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you so much! I used to use it, but that was before I went off to clloege so it's been a few years I've probably forgotten everything I know. Ah, well, there are always tutorials for that stuff. I'll gladly take your advice, thank you :) Hopefully I will see you on IRC sometime soon!

[(Anonymous)]

I have nothing coherent that could possibly do justice to this chapter.

♥

- twisting_vine_x

[(Anonymous)]

I'm so glad that despite a huge misunderstanding they are making progress.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, this was splendidly heartbreaking! *sniffles*

Well, I was not expecting the notes to be about his medical history at all.

Oh, and how Spock got so unreadable when he learned it was Bones? Fantastic. And the fact that he refers to him as "Joanna's father" is just adorable. I do wonder, how your Bones and Spock will react to each other.

Also, this line: And if it was awkward trying to get his shoes off without breaking contact with him, that was okay.

Warmed my heart.

[(Anonymous)]

:( oh poor, confused Spock... Hope he can start to fix himself soon :(

[rawa-02.livejournal.com]

Just finished reading all of this in one fell swoop. Want more.

[corpus_invictus]

You will have more within the next hour or so. :)

[margarks]

OF COURSE HE'S WORTH ALL OF IT!

You're breaking my heart with this! *hugs them both*

[coeurdesoleil]

Whoa. This chapter was intense. So much emotion, both aching and love, pouring through the text. You write these characters so well that they crawl under my skin and come alive before my eyes; when Kirk was reading Spock's note I felt physically ill with hurt for them both - for Spock who thought that he had been betrayed, and for Kirk who thought he was losing Spock. As so many times before in this fic, my heart ached for Spock. And then, omg, Kirk's monologue, when he was pouring his heart out to Spock, I teared up because it was so emotional, so incredibly sincere and the ending, when Spock actually took another step forward, completely exhausted, and asked Jim to stay... I was shaking with emotion.. still am! An amazing amazing chapter!!

♥ ♥ ♥

IsOIdwNfyqpdXlm

[(Anonymous)]

Frankly, no, I don't think you can fall for someone on Twitter. You can get obssseed, and creepy, and maybe a little stalkerish but that's more infatuation than anything meaningful. I think anyone who does really has a poor grasp of what is required for chemistry to work.As for how I feel about Twitter, frankly, I feel it's become just a great game of getting as many people to follow me as possible, just like everyone else. Does anyone really believe Robert Scoble reads the 20,000 posts of people he follows?